post-hiatus

it has been a tough semester this year

been getting more hypos and hypers this few months

and also jasmine rice has been really mean to me

eating a serve of jasmine rice would make my sugar levels spike to a very dangerous level

it once hit 21.8mmol/L

been avoiding jasmine rice since then

it is easier living with diabetes in australia compared to malaysia

it is even easier being an aussie or american diabetic compared to a malaysian diabetic

in aussie and the states, people with diabetes have insurance and government to give them access to insulin pumps, continuos glucose monitors, test strips, insulin pump accessories, etc. in malaysia, we have to fork out our own cash. nothing is subsidised. we pay full price for it.

the price to stay alive is really putting a hole in my pocket.

been wanting an insulin pump ever since i started reading about it on blogs.

the price is about rm30k and every month, supplies would cost about rm8k. CGMs do not exist yet here.

it is kind of sad to know that one day my disease is going to stop me from doing the things i wish to do.

i know with will, preservation and discipline, i would be able to control my diabetes, but thrust me, no matter how tight it is being monitored, sugars have their mind of their own!

watching the blood sugar levels run amok is depressing, shows that i fail as a diabetic!

can't wait for the day where the malaysia would do something with their health system, so that we citizens would get access to better health.

an insulin pump would mean better control of sugar levels, and also less shots!

once every 3 days compared to 4 times a day.

huge difference!

anyways, i'm still on the 4 times a day regimen and a min of 4 finger pricks...

anyways, chibi maruko is on now

got to go

merry belated christmas and a happy new year to all!

xx

Do the BiG Blue Test, on World Diabetes Day

a week of hols and a surprise visit from lady luck

Was suppose to catch the train from toowong to the city last sunday night, but missed the train by a fraction of the second. So instead my cousins, a friend and i decided to catch the bus instead. Upon boarding the bus, i asked the bus driver if the ticket i bought earlier would be valid, he replied "No, but i'll let you on this time" =D Lucky event number 1!

After dinner at the city, my cousins, friend and i decided to take the bus home because it is much more convenient for my friend. I remember placing my ticket in my wallet, but when i board the bus, i frantically stripped search my wallet but could not locate it. The bus driver asked if i was playing with the cards i had in my wallet, and so i explained "haha, no, but instead i'm trying to look for my ticket"... he gave me a smile and asked my cousin if i really did had a ticket earlier, and she said yes, and he gave me the A-okay to board the bus =D Lucky event number 2!

Done more than i ever had during mid semester break and never felt more fatigue then ever.

Saturday - movie world

Sunday - sunnybank, le bon choix and hog's breath

Monday - dreamworld

Tuesday - sunnybank to see the agent, indooroopilly

Wednesday - breakfast at coffee club, then to the city for coffee then to gold coast for dinner

and to pancake parlour for desserts

Thursday - had lunch at old town kitchen, then grocery shopping at yuens and cooked dinner

for cousins and friend and caught a movie at night

Friday - roast pork and barbecue rice with mabel and rachel at golden bbq in the valley

Saturday - langos in the morning then paintball in the afternoon. Had dinner with cousins and

friend and watch dinner for schmucks at the cinema

Sunday - pesta rakyat in the afternoon and korean bbq at night =D

Monday - cooked dinner for cousins and friend

Today - uni from 10 to 5, had class photo at 12. Got home and prepared satay for tomorrow

night. cooked dinner, ate dinner, watch dvd and then blog

Need to shower and then study later on, the night is still "young"

Exams are near, and my brain is nearly empty.

God bless

xoxo

love hugs and kisses

daph

hyper and hypo

hyperglycaemia and hypoglycaemia are the hardest to understand and explain

when i experience either one, it could be easily confused

but the more it occur to me, to more i learn from it

when i'm feeling low, i become an angry woman

boiling with rage

i'll snap at anything i can snap at

i do try to control my rage, but most of the time i'll fail

hunger would then strike in

and i'll start to shake and become blur

unable to do simple task

if i do not act by then, i might fall into a coma and to heaven i go

when i'm amped up with sugar

i get cranky or super hyped up

i become annoying, loud and even obnoxious

if not treated, i would become ketoacidotic

i'll feel tired and become blur

i would then fall into a coma and to heaven i go

too much or too little leads to death

=(

life could get pretty depressing

but the fact that i am alive now keeps me going

thinking if its time

after years of taking shots everyday

and years of consideration

i'm finally thinking of swapping to a pump

made an appointment with the doc to discuss about switching to a pump

hopefully it won't cost too much as there is no such thing as medical insurance or government health benefit where i come from

fingers cross as i could say goodbye to multiple shots a day to a shot every 3 days

god bless

its 53 mins into october!

a new month and tons to prepare before exams!

xoxo

love hugs and kisses

life is sweet-less?

i tend to avoid food that has a high sugar content mainly because:

1) i can't have them

2) had not had sweet stuff for so long that i get sick when i have some

3) hyperglycaemia makes me go super crazy

whenever someone offers me cakes or desserts, i would kindly decline

and when they ask why, i would tell them that i am not into desserts

then they would give me this weird impression

"huh, how can you not like desserts?"

i won't tell them i'm diabetic cause most of them would feel bad for offering me desserts in the first place, so i rather not mention anything

i used to love sweets, cakes, desserts and sugars before i had diabetes

no way in the world i would pass on desserts or cakes

but ever since i had diabetes, i had to avoid all these

slowly, i learnt to not enjoy them anymore

but life ain't bad without sugar, we learn to live without it

watching u through mine

hands shake like parkinson's

very first indication that it is taking a dip

up or down i'll never know

till i test my blood sugar levels

shake shake shake, it impairs everything

cognitive function is near to nil

simple task becomes difficult

makes me think bout people with parkinson's

what i experience is just a tiny glimpse of your life

salute

rants rant ranting

"listen to people's rants and not rant about them ranting"

one saves three

needles and blood

we revolve around everyday

we never complain about what we have to go through everyday

the pain, the skin piercings, the finger pricks

the constant hypos and hypers

its not that we are used to needles or blood

its just that we do not make a big fuss about it

we suck it up and go on with life

so why do the fear of needles should stop you from donating blood?

suck it up, donate, and save three lives

meh

have not done a pretty good job in depicting my life as a diabetic

i am definitely a bad diabetic; no doubt there

i do try my best to keep everything under control, but they are times where my brain fools me by telling me that i'm just a normal person with a normal life

hence missing on insulin doses and not checking my sugar levels as often as i should

i hate counting carbs, and i never do a good job

i always estimate and won't be able to tell how good was my estimation because i always forget to check my sugar levels either before or after my meals

i need a beeper or something

lately i have been pretty stressed out with uni and the huge pile of assignment

i miss playing futsal, but it is just hard to get a court here; therefore no stress relieving activities

one thing that really bothers me is taking an insulin shot in public...

it freaks people out

some people even show their disgust

i know that they do not understand, so no blaming them

but it do kinda hurts sometimes

rather have a hyperglycaemia instead

or maybe i should opt for an insulin pump?

it is discreet and their is no needle visible

but the cost is mind blowing

i should definitely start buying lottery tickets, hopefully strike the jackpot and have enough cash to get a pump

anyways, i am taking a stance to change

life gets shorter and shorter

fatigue

malaise

dry skin

reddening of cheeks

sensitive cheeks

hair loss

lack of concentration

brain malfunction

seriously need to go see a doctor soon

been too tired and busy to do so

not much of a uni fan now

loving the free mondays and wednesdays

but every week, week in week out, it is packed with assignments to finish

me feeling like crap everyday, makes me want to puke when i stare at assignments

all i want to do now is just grab a ice cold sugary drink and chillax

let the sugar rush bring me into another world

or maybe do something packed with adrenaline... but what?

major no-no

it was bad of me not to bring extra insulin wherever i go

and after so long, today i realise how deep of a shit i'm putting myself into

usually i'll just bring a pen around with me everywhere i go

and would only take my insulin immediately after lunch during my placement period cause i only get 30mins of lunch time and i do not want to waste it on thinking what would i have for lunch, counting the carbs and taking the insulin

so today, after having lunch, i went back to my placement site, took out my insulin pen, and my eyes went wide opened... only 8 units left and it is not enough at all..

now i regret not taking an extra pen with me or checking my pen before i left home

just a little hyper now..

moral of the story - bring an extra insulin pen

little tip from me

this is just a little tip from me to all diabetics

i learn from my diabetes everyday

and today i have learnt that it is a bad idea eat -> take insulin shot -> run

it leads to a massive sugar level dip

had dinner with friends and also dessert (ate cold rock banana ice cream + smashed kit kat and mini m&ms)

then took a shot based on the carbs

head home; it was pretty late, so i decided to jog home (about 5mins jog)

got home

showered, checked sugar levels; 4.3mmol/l

hope it won't drop any more; super tired and if i eat anything now i would just puke my guts out..

gonna head to bed soon and pray for the best.

have already prepared glucose tablets next to me, just in case i wake up in the middle of the night with a mighty hypo

tip for the day -

its good to calculate ur insulin dose base on the carbs u eat, but bare in mind insulin works more effectively when u use your muscles...

half of today

woke up pretty early today for a weekend

so i decided to laze and relax my mind on bed this morning

kept my mind empty for about an hour before i did some net surfing

watched some funny youtube clips and also read some blogs too

finally got out of bed and got myself ready for lunch

ate lunch while watching dvd

before and after reading was great

5.6 to 10.4

2 hours between readings

numbers like these makes me smile =D

makes me wanna continue going with full power

looking forward for futsal this evening =D

testimonial games for a couple of friends/teammates

off to continue with uni work now

enjoy the rest of your weekend peeps

xoxo

no one is sweeter than any diabetics

stored and locked.. slowly leaching out

it is hard to down some food early in the morning

harder if i wake up with a low sugar reading

it is even harder if i would have to work all day and the next time i get to eat is lunch time

0600 - wake up

0730 - start work

1300 - lunch

before it is even near lunch time, i would start shaking, feel the muscles in my neck spasm and chills running down my spine

oh and not forgetting bearing the pain of hunger; listen to my stomach grumble

cognitive function deceases drastically

mind is not at it's optimal level

one could fail at any time now

once it's is lunch time

i run as fast as i could to get some food

or if unable to wait till lunch, snickers is my life saver

why does this all have to happen?

it is because no one at work knows i have diabetes except for jerry

i know it is best that everyone around me know

but there is still that uncomfortableness of letting people now

i feel secretive

it is even harder if people around do not understand

and the awkward questioning sessions starts

very slowly it is getting easier

8 not 7

it all first started in 2002 and not 2003

marking it the 8th year

time do flies

starting to hurt

it is starting to hurt so much

after 7 years, i feel like bursting into tears

every prick and every needle, it leaves a scar

it hurts so much

one after another

i take and enjoy holidays, but diabetes never stop to give a me a break

insulin helps me stay alive, but a cure is no where near in sight yet

i can't wait for the day i could say goodbye to all

please let it be close

sighs

it is sunday today..

the torture starts tomorrow; placement

now i start wondering, would i be a better pharmacist or a better photographer?

or am i bad in either?

my life is filled with uncertainties

constantly in search for answers

should life be left as a mystery?

or should i live life knowing that i should just live without questioning what is life to me?

aiyoh, i'm just crapping shit now

random fact

diabetics are the sweetest people ever

it's a true fact

lick me

xoxo

a better daph in the making

it has been months since i did some staining on my poor blog =p

been busy during world cup fever and lazy during the winter holidays

anyways, my life is just plain blah

i'm regretting a lot of things now

regret number 1 is -

why do i never try my best in everything i do?

i tend to take lots of things for granted, and things like this could never be rewind to be redone

not giving all i have in something i do.. i realise it but i never took any action

regret number 2 is -

being fucking lazy

never ever have i been hardworking in everything i do

i give everything less than 50% of my effort

100% is beyond any task's reach

when shall that day i give my 100% effort be?

regret number 3 is -

procrastinate too much

every single minute during crucial times i procrastinate

i never fail to procrastinate NEVER

queen of all procrastinator i can be

regret number 4 is -

not being brave enough to do significant stuff that may change my life

timid and chicken i can be at times

coward daphne needs some courage

regret number 5 is -

not exploring the world around me while i still can

my life is so textbook like

bland, tasteless, black and white

PLAIN BORING

lots of other regrets that i could not bear to write down anymore, hurts to regret so much in life

would could whine and just look back

but i shall take the other option and start making up for these regrets

color life till their ain't a clean paintbrush

taste life to send my taste buds travelling around the universe

live life like i have never lived

time to change

to be a better person

sorry blog

dear blog,

i'm so sorry that i have not updated you for a very very very long time

and i won't be updating u as much as i did

i hope u understand, time is scarce for me now

i still love u and would post new entries from time to time

anyways, a snap shot of what happened in my life

i did my one month qum placement back home in malaysia, the experience was great

joined netball social games (which i terribly suck playing against aussies)

started playing sports again (futsal, netball, basketball and rugby touch)

had a check up with my endo; which went well

one of my camera lens fell ill and still is ill T.T

thinking of getting a g11 canon

had several bad hypos, but reacted fast to it and survived

pharmacy faculty moved, takes longer for me to travel to uni now

won asean netball game today =D so proud of the malaysian team

lots of other things happened too, but my memory ain't optimal lately

tend to forget stuff

anyways, hope to have more time and pics to update in the future.

xoxo

daph

not so me

a mask is always easy to put on

always a tear behind a smile, never the other way round

emotions tend to toy with me lately

hormones raging; making me hate the ones i love

everything ticks me off; serious issues revolves around me

my heart hurts, but there is no one that i could try pour to

is it a sign? i seriously need another half in my life?

all i can think now is suicide or anything that involves pain

depression? or is it just the sugar talking?

stress has certainly been one of the MFing analhole

messing with my sugar levels, making it impossible to control and staying up high unaffected by gravity... life just sucks when the BSL is beyond my control..

i truly want an insulin pump

thinking about it adds more stress

the idea of pitching it to my parents

and also the cost of it

any sponsors out there?

heading back to brisbane again this coming sunday

not looking forward at all

uni starts on monday >.<

diving straight back into studies; pukes

sitting here on my couch at HOME

watching simba watch me

i am certainly gonna miss him loads....

-stress and depress-

daphdaph darker than ever

hachiko an akita

i've watched it

and recommend it to all

especially to dog lovers; like me

i cried my eyes out

my heart was ripped apart

i couldn't hold my emotions back

tears kept flowing down my cheeks

my eyes were bloodshot red

my nose even 'teared' like a burst pipe

this movie made me love simba even more

it made me realised how much it would hurt for me to leave simba when i have to return to aus

='|

anyways, do watch Hachiko: A Dog's Story

5 stars from me with a double thumbs up

and also, please do prepare lots and lots of tissue

soft and smooth tissue, the ones that has aloe vera in it; way way more gentler on the nose and eyes

no spoilers or sneak previews from me on the movie

you've got to watch it to experience it

i bet you'll find the movie good

take care

love hugs and kisses

-daphdaph-

loves simba even more

there is always a first for everything

it is true u know; there is a first for everything

this morning i woke up with a splitting migraine

my very first migraine, and i seldom suffer from headaches

so it got me a little concerned

what did i did to have triggered this migraine?

the only thing i did differently was taking an insulin shot on my arm; around the biceps area

how in the world could that have triggered a freaking migraine?

panadeine does no wonders for migraine

so i had to go to the pharmacy to get something stronger and more effective

went to the pharmacy and immediately asked for the strongest they have

didn't bothered knowing what they gave me, just took it and wished migraine would go to hell

the "strongest" med was slow to work? or just not strong or effective enough

after more than 12 hours, i'm still having this slight migraine

sudden loud sound or super bright flashing lights, migraine starts flickering a little; as if its trying to dance to the groove

and i can tell migraines are sucky dancers o.O

anyways, back to how much a migraine sucks

the pain was excruciating till i couldn't keep my fluids down

was extremely nauseated

did not had breakfast or lunch

but surprise surprise, sugar levels were high

i did took my morning insulin, which should have caused my sugar levels to drop, but instead the opposite happened

weird...

therefore i have concluded that migraines are bad for diabetics~!

evil little migraines

after accompanying dad for lunch and played with simba

headed straight into my room

closed the curtains, on the aircond

set my phone to silent

drown all noises

and went to dreamland, hoping for the pain to just go away

dark room and minus all sounds did helped a lot

but it did not eliminated the migraine completely

i wonder what would

and if i do wake up with another migraine tomorrow morning, i'm heading straight to the emergency room

i want big league drugs

i ain't wanna go through a day with a migraine anymore

just got back from supper, needed comfort food

kinda afraid to fall asleep and wake up in pain again

gonna watch big bang theory to laugh all my worries away

and hoping to fall asleep and wake up with a smile

tomorrow is another day

love hugs and kisses

-daphdaph-

@.@

o.O

happily sitting at coffee bean while waiting for my dad to finish his lunch with some of his business friends at the opposite building

sipping iced latte with cinnamon sprinkled generously on top allows me to feel icey and christmas-y on a hot summer day

was toggling with my phone till my ears decided to eavesdrop on a nice conversation

"

A said - we have been sponsoring children all over east malaysia to give them a chance to study overseas

B said - who do you actually give the sponsorship to?

A replied - kids who are smart and should be given the chance to shine

B replied - no i don't think you should give it to the smart kids, because all the smart kids are from rich family. their parents are educated, therefore are also rich and able to produce smart kids. therefore give it to not so smart kids who are poor

"

the conversation went something like that

my jaw dropped; hitting the ground

B is an ignorant bastard

i couldn't believe my ears

does he leaves under a tempurung or something?

stereotype? education-cist? wealth-cist? i dono lah what word should be used

oh wells

after that i decided not to eavesdrop anymore, best to relax and enjoy my iced latte

staying awake now while waiting for 5am

need to signon for a tutorial and it's a battlefield out there

i'm tired and super sleepy now

i would take a nap, but i fear that i'll doze too deep into dreamland

and be stuck with crappy timetable for the whole semester

might as well sacrifice sleep for one night than precious time for the whole semester

CNY is around the corner

Happy Chinese New Year

May the year of the tiger bring prosperity and the best of luck to you and your family

god bless all of you

Take care

p.s/ don't play with firecrackers ok?

you might loose your hands or burn someone/something

collect banyak banyak ang pau then don't forget to spend me k?

-daphdaph-

panda eyes

o.O

FML; damn u plantar wart

FML

there is this little foreign unwanted viral caused thingy protruding under my right feet

FML

and i think it is a plantar wart [click for more details]

FML

not too sure how i got it, but i think it is through trying out shoes at palm square? maybe china? trying out shoes for upcoming placement =|

FML

no one in my family has it

FML

it could have attacked me just because my immune system is much more susceptible than others due to diabetes

FML

diabetes have been a burden when i got it, a burden now when i still have it and would still be a burden in the future till a cure is discovered

FML

is has changed every aspect in my life ever since i had to live with it; trying to learn to live in harmony with diabetes (i wonder if harmony is the right word, currently in lost of words due to the unwanted wart under my feet)

FML

first it was shingles and now plantar wart

FML

shingles were hell; and now plantar wart would be hell 2.0?

FML

i would post an entry in the future to tell u which viral disease hurts more

till then FML

china trip day 2 entry would have to be put on hold

feeling super lazy to upload pics

take care

wart BE GONE!!!

-daph-

me and my holidays

still on holiday till the 22nd of feb

gonna start placement then; at SMC

having mix feelings bout placement

not too sure if i would like being a hospital pharmacist or community pharmacist more

for now, hospital pharmacist has the upper hand

can't see my future just yet

maybe this placement experience would be the light of my life

have not done too much this holiday, but gain weight =p

and also my china trip

wish i could go on another trip, but money is tight

and so is time

time is forever chasing after me

time has burnt my arse a few times

and also i have eaten time's dust too

hopefully this year would be different, i shall smoke time is its own game

gonna start reading through AMH and also TGs soon

and also probably start jogging with dad?

haha i seriously need to work on my determination and preservation

for now, i shall drown myself in the world of tv series

take care peeps

more pics of china trip day 2 to be up soon

xoxo

-daphdaph-

the more i love u

decided to let simba sleep in my room tonight after god knows how long he waited outside my room

and he totally surprised me tonight

how could anyone not love him???

sorry for the dark pic... too lazy to edit

and did not switched on the flash as it would have woke simba up

small tiny update in the middle of the night..

should head to bed soon, but chuck bartowski is just luring me in (stronger than my bed)

day one in china

a couple snapshots from my first day in china

modern toilet restaurant

did not had the chance to try it out, but managed to snap a pic of it

would prob give it a try the next time i'm there

pork satay china style!

looks nice, but the taste -.-'

they sprinkle too much spices on it, spices that made my tongue very very numb

did not felt safe after eating it

hehehe

this my friends is not an ordinary bicycle

it is a police bicycle!!!

i respect them for trying to make the world greener

a typical china alley?

everything is gold about this hotel

inside and outside

hehe the highlight of the day (1st day in china)

some smart arse dude parked infront of a police station

genius right?

which immediately got towed away....

more pictures to come

simba happily snoozing in my room now

love hugs and kisses

take care

xoxo

upiedatie

the double decker bus i slept on from shenzen to putian and putian to shenzen.

2 floors of bed only

the beds were tiny! tossing around 'ur' bed would be an impossible feat!

but thanks to doxylamine, the 9 hour ride wasn't too bad

i slept throughout the whole ride

ancient camera my bro and i spotted at a shopping centre in shenzen

i would love to have one for my birthday this march =D

me being bored

simba and me =D

simba is a quick learner (too quick)

before i went on my china trip, he couldn't walk down the stairs

and now, he is running up and down

following me into my room every chance he gets

and giving me morning calls by barking outside my door when he is let out of his cage in the morning

little rascal simba

i don't know how life would be without him, how life in aus would be without him

:'|

btw, china trip was alright

will tell more stories bout my china trip in upcoming entries.

xoxo

love hugs and kisses

-daphdaph-

simba barking downstairs cause he has to sleep in his cage

hello 2010

happy new year~!!

it's 2010 already

hopefully it would be my grad year =D

finally it is my final year

after all the brain wrecking and wrenching, i'll soon be a pharmacist

new year
do u make a new year's resolution every new year's eve?

i never bothered to make one ever

maybe it is time for a change?

a new custom; make a resolution and actually sticking to it

so my resolution for the year is to be a super good diabetic

actually trying to get a hang of carbs counting; be a whiz in it?

and controlling sugar levels even better

and maybe educate newly diagnosed juvenile patients; if given the chance and if i'm ready

help them out of the dark; it was pitch black when i was first diagnosed, i know how they feel

2009 was a great year

great course mates that help me through as a pharmacy student

came back home to be with my family after exams

spent quality time with my loved ones

kicking back and relaxing

enjoying every single bit of my holidays

spending time with childhood friends

sitting down in coffee shops for hours chitchatting and sipping on coffee

"yam cha-ing" as my 'job'

got a pomeranian pup; creating lots of memories with simba

and that great feeling the night results came out and knowing that i'll be a final year student

-priceless-

wishing and hoping 2010 would be as kind (if not, kinder) than 2009

say hello to simba =D

hope u had a great new year's eve

i know i did

family bbq with relatives and a couple of friends over

*life is simple sweet*

love hugs and kisses

-daphdaph '10-