feels the pressure in me

i couldn't believe that it is harder to find a placement site than to get a job in a hospital.
the people i contacted did not had the authority to ding the agreement, and to sign an agreement they would have to call for a board meeting which is just too much trouble for them to go through.
therefore, agreement is left unsigned, but instead they are happy to offer me a job during the summer.
m devastated, i can't content it
all i wanna do is just burst and let it all out
i wanna hit something, i wanna scream, i wanna cry
this is how bad i wanted to do my placement back home

m giving it another try in another hospital back home
i'm happy there is another opportunity
but what if they can't sign the agreement too?
another rejection would crush me into pieces
i will break; no doubt there

lost my appetite for dinner today
feeling so grumpy and hurt
stress is catching up with me?
can't concentrate in anything i do
apa lagi kalau nak belajar dalam situasi gini?
ilmu akan masuk dan terus keluar ja.

staring blankly into my notes
wishing and praying hard that a miracle would happen