i want this for christmas

i are is wants a dexcom sensor!!
i no want to prick prick anymore fingers..
but sad sad, not dexcom yet here in aus aus...
i too want an omnipod, but it too have not arrived aus aus.. apa lagi malaysia

feels the pressure in me

i couldn't believe that it is harder to find a placement site than to get a job in a hospital.
the people i contacted did not had the authority to ding the agreement, and to sign an agreement they would have to call for a board meeting which is just too much trouble for them to go through.
therefore, agreement is left unsigned, but instead they are happy to offer me a job during the summer.
m devastated, i can't content it
all i wanna do is just burst and let it all out
i wanna hit something, i wanna scream, i wanna cry
this is how bad i wanted to do my placement back home

m giving it another try in another hospital back home
i'm happy there is another opportunity
but what if they can't sign the agreement too?
another rejection would crush me into pieces
i will break; no doubt there

lost my appetite for dinner today
feeling so grumpy and hurt
stress is catching up with me?
can't concentrate in anything i do
apa lagi kalau nak belajar dalam situasi gini?
ilmu akan masuk dan terus keluar ja.

staring blankly into my notes
wishing and praying hard that a miracle would happen

one moment; one thought

thought for the moment

m feeling that my brain has really grown old
it is slowing down not by a notch, but a few notches
i really need to exercise my brain before it totally dies on me

how to exercise the brain?
brain teaser games!!!
(korek korek nds out)
=D play games instead of studying... not too wise, since exams are just around the corner....

rainy rainy day

GP appointment at 1pm today

and it was pouring rain when i was on my way to uni

the windows on the bus got all fogged up and the bus driver had difficulties looking at the road

>.<" not cool at all

but got to uni in one pice =D

head to the clinic with my tiny one-person-umbrella above my head

i did not failed to get wet at all; but not drenched

the appointment with the doctor was nice and pleasant =D kinda therapeutic too

usually most of the appointments would last for about 5-10 mins, but mine lasted for more than 30 mins.. (should i feel special?)

doc and i discussed bout:

- how the sugar levels are for the past week

- the diet (NB pasta are a NO NO from now on)

- the insulin that had precipitation in it

- seeing an eye specialist when i return next yr

- seeing the doc more often

- be more active

- to go see a GP whenever i fell unwell

- seeing her once more after exams before i return home

after my appointment i headed for tutorial at 2pm which lasted for 2 hours

then to a lecture from 4pm to 5pm.

the bus ride home took ages

traffic congestion

finally reached home around 5.45pm

and my tummy grumbling

can't wait for dinner, could smell the aroma from mom's cooking

grumble grumble more

oh, and note to self, should really avoid getting wet by the rain

tend to get horrible headaches @.@

days out w/o my babies, thank lord for mistress phone

lots of the days i would not bring any of my babies out coz they can't fit into my bag

but fear not, there is still mistress phone to snap pics with =D

love this picture a lot

was walking home from the bus stop, when i just had to stop and take a picture of this

it's 2 totally different tree species living together in harmony on a very tiny piece of land

i wonder why some people with different color/culture/religion can't live together in peace and synchrony

a world without war

this is a jacaranda tree

when fully blossomed, you can't take you eyes of it

it's purple flowers are breathtaking

it blossoms in spring, nearing exam period

so if you see jacarandas around u, it's a sign that you should start studying

there is this myth where they believe that if a jacaranda flower drops on your head, you would fail your exams =|

to believe or not to believe?

meh, i believe if u study hard enough for ur exam, you'll do fine

i was bored and was just staring at all the stuff i had on my study table, and realized that about 80% of it are my diabetes stuff

like all the many many youtube videos i watched (should really be studying instead ^^), they tend to include a picture of a month's supply of their diabetes stuff? equipment? utensils (lol)?

so i decided to snap a pic of my stuff too, but this is no where near one month's supply

it's more like a week or two?

this pic puts a smile on my face

i don't know why, but it just does

the reflection of a cloud on a very reflective building

i guess you do not have to smile for a reason

=D *beaming from one ear to another*

despite the highs and lows

m not letting anything hold me back from living life to the fullest

>.<

ahakz... should be studying now~~~

ciao ciao

bread no good good

hey

woke up in the morning feeling all lousy

BSL was around 5.3?

tummy had a frown

hard to brush my teeth and feeling shaky

but managed to have breakfast so that mom won't worry and i won't pass out while on my way to uni

had a slice of bread with a sausage

BSL after 2 hours? = 12.8!~ wooowwwwwww it's either increase insulin aspart or avoid bread

don't really know how to manage the carbs yet

time is scarce, therefore unable to seek help from a diabetes educator =(

anyone wanna educate me via msn? hola me (^^)

8am lecture.... opthalmology

the lecturer spoke super fast, it was hard to take down all the notes

tried my best and managed to do an alright job i guess

got another lecture at 1pm; leaving a 4 hour break in between... i would hv stayed, but got influenced by rachie to skip the lecture

haha yups, m that easy to be influenced

so went home straight after lecture, checked email and fb

then decided to post a little entry

wanted to post up some pics i took with my phone but just couldn't transfer the files over to my macbook. gotta use the imac later on when i've got the time (actually, m just being lazy)

- and yes m a mac person, who is a windows illiterate-

feeling so sleepy now, might take a nap after this

eyes slowly drowsing away -.-zzz

p/s: m staring at my blackbird, wondering when would i have the chance to play with it T.T

it's still sitting there staring at me like a slutty virgin, can't wait to be popped.

it's time for my nap time

-peace out-

the smell after rain

weekend ain't much of a happening period
instead of partying and having fun, it's more like burying my head deep into notes
study is my number one activity

juju invited for netball a few days back
which i went from 5.30pm to 7.30pm
it drizzled at first at the start which stopped pretty quick
then it started to rain pretty heavily towards the end
got wet, wet enough to give me a headache and a slight temperature; which was resolved with the help of paracetamol
got home, cooked dinner, ate dinner, shower, and back to studies
then ane came online and we chat =D
miss ane lots! wish she could be here with me or me be there with her

kinda hungry now, but couldn't think of anything to eat, and just do not want to take the extra finger pricks and tummy jabbing

being a huge whiner lately

down in the lows then up in the highs..

this morning wasn't quite fun..

reading was low in the morning when i woke up, had to miss breakfast as i was running late for an 8am lecture.

felt a lot better when i had the chance to grab a sandwich

for lunch my friends and i tried the new jap cafe that opened on campus.. ate katsudon (deep fried minced beef patty on a bed on fresh cabbage and rice + jap mayo and bulldog sauce)

and zaza had chicken teriyaki (that looked nothing like the picture on the menu)

the food wasn't too bad; edible.

glorz brought lunch from home and rachie only had iced coffee cause she was gonna go on a date with milky

anyways, after lunch i was gonna take my insulin aspart but then realised they were precipitation!!! ppt were like - "i'm swimming, i'm swimming, swimming swimming swimming."

at first i hesitated; "to take, or not to take?"

but decided not too take after asking a friend and also the pharmacist on campus

sugar levels went up to 18? which got me pretty hyper in lecture

i was restlesssssssssssssssssssssssssssss (^^)

but it was all good when my background (glargine) started kicking end =D

got home, got another aspart out from the fridge, and it's ready to rock and roll now

not too sure what to have for dinner, grilled fish? or instant noodles? or take outs?

gonna do some cramming session tonight; getting prepared to battle the Examus Fianale War '09 (meh m going a lil crazy now)

aites the highs and lows aite good, the normals = AWESOMeOUS!

oo credits to my glucometer; amen to this device that helps me keep track of my BSL -i lub u-

xoxo

=D

say hello to my babies~~

450D - baby no.1

Diana mini - baby no.2

Blackbird fly camera (Blue) - baby no.3

I love my babies

m falling deeper and deeper into the world of photography

m more than in love

every stare, every touch, every experience - it's beyond orgasmic

every picture tells more than a story

m not a professional photographer nor am i superbly good in it, yet

but everyday and every shutter is a learning experience for me

gaining more knowledge and wisdom, i'll get wiser and better

one day, my photos/pictures/images would bring tears to your eyes

it will touch each and everyone of you in a different way, unique to each individual

it would be a roller-coaster ride custom made for u

love hugs and kisses

*ka-chak ka-chak*

oh p.s

forgotten to mention bout my visit to the endocrinologist.

he was awesome, helped me a lot

answered my questions and drastically pulled me out of the dark

never new one 20mins visit could change my life; one major change, one that saved my life

taking a huge step and a tall stand to turn my life around

*a diabetic needs her/his doctors aka heroes

(endocrinologist, GP, foot specialist, eye specialist, etc?)

^^

first day on insulin aspart

hello =D

it's my first day on insulin aspart

took 4 units before lunch and dinner (depending on what i eat)

and it made a huge impact

no huge BSL increase, feeling a lot better (no more getting shockingly high numbers on my glucometer)

been much more compliant with testing my BSL, testing it;

1) when i wake up

2) before i have breakfast

3) 2 hours after breakfast

4) before lunch

5) 2 hours after lunch

6) before dinner

7) 2 hours after dinner

8) before bedtime

9) late night

slowly learning to accept my daily routine, my fingers and tummy may not look as pretty and sexy as it used too, but i'm grateful to be able to increase my quality of life and prevent from other acute/chronic diseases

not slowing down for diabetes~! life goes on =D

love hugs and kisses

xoxo

first post in a new blog; marking my journey

title is self explanatory

been one lousy type one diabetic since i was first diagnosed about 7 years ago.

was first diagnosed as a type two but changed when i became ketoacidosis, that was when i was started on insulin glargine.

where i'm from there was only 2? endocrinologist, and to get an appointment was impossible.

fortunately i did got an appointment which i had to take a plane and wait for 4 hours outside his door? which the doctor wasn't much help at all. the doctor prescribed metformin and just gave an "advice"; eat more white meat and vege, minimise red meat and sugary stuff. double thumbs up? hell no

i was young and uneducated, non of my family members knew about anything at all.

diabetes hit my family and i right in the head, it's unfamiliar to us.

i was one active 14 yr old, very into sports.

represented my district in discus, javelin and shot put. trained everyday for 6 hours.

it was around 2003 when i got diagnosed.

i did not accepted the fact that i have diabetes at all.

till now, after 7 years, m still being delusional.

i truly do not want diabetes at all, i question it everyday

it recently hit me, a week ago, that i need to take control

i want to live, i do not want to kill myself

videos on youtube help opened my eyes

(i love youtube clips)

seeing an endocrinologist tomorrow, my very first visit

appointment is 14 hours away and i'm already starting to shake

i'm scared

fear of doctors doesn't help my situation at all

xoxo